Podcast: Wanting to feel included but then be excused from participating…

Today's podcast comes out of a series I did called "Grief Truths" where I wrote about some of the tough realities we discovered after entering grief territory. This episode's topic explores more of the social-relational and self care aspects of the grief experience. It came out of my realizations that I wanted to be invited to things after our son died because I wanted to feel included (vs. feeling people were avoiding me because grief was scary to them). AND in the same breath, I wanted to be excused, no guilt nor shame about it, when I turned down the invitation because I couldn't handle "happy la-la" any longer.

So this episode tackles how we might realize new needs and how to create new priorities so those needs are met while being gentle on ourselves and those we love. Some details:


  • Invite me, but excuse me for turning down that invitation.
  • Baby showers and family activities after the death of a baby are not the same as pre-grief.
  • Craving more self care, family care, and genuine relationship.
  • Why pre-grief friends and family may not be able to serve your needs now.
  • Family and friends post-grief, who have had their own grief experiences, often understand most.
  • Time is precious, so being politely uncomfortable becomes a waste of everyone's time.
  • Priorities change for so many who have grief experiences.
  • Loss often includes other additional loss sometimes.
  • Being aware is hard, but we need it to figure out how to meet new, maybe unfamiliar, needs.
  • Holiday rituals change and not everyone can get on board with that.
  • How to allow for new rituals and priorities without judgment of self or other.
  • Children's Memorial Day, Blue Christmas services
  • Change can be complicated if shame enters the picture.
  • This is the space of creativity, and post-grief we begin to practice how to do things for own best care, even when it is hard and is annoying.
  • But you are your own best advocate.
  • Spending energy on this can only benefit you and your community.
  • Asking to have needs met.
  • It's okay that grief affects us BECAUSE we affect grief, too!
  • You can do this.

To stream this podcast, click here.

Thanks as always for listening!
From my radical grandma heart to yours,
k-

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[Originally published as a written article at Radical Creativity, Friday, March 30, 2012]

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